Musings of an expatriate

It’s been awhile. Corruption in New Jersey. Illegal human organ trafficking. Mayors, some other politicians and…rabbis!! Did they want to make sure the organs were kosher. Sometimes I miss living in NJ. No I don’t. Who am I kidding. Traffic was horrific, people were aholes, road rage wherever you turned, property taxes that were higher than mortgage payments, lots the size of postage stamps…I could go on but I’m starting to pound on the keyboard. It’s been a year since we moved and it has been awesome living here. Nice house on an acre of land. I go out on the porch in the morning and quietly greet the day. Sure I was born and bred in the “Garden State” but, for me, it was time for a change. Back to the land of my forefathers – Kentucky. Yeah they make fun of places like KY in NJ but I’ve lived in both states and “the most corrupt state” should mind it’s own business – literally.

I’m back.

Who cares. Not you. You’re probably not even reading this. I’ve moved. From New Jersey to Kentucky. I was born and had lived in NJ for many years. My Dad was born in KY and we always visited grandparents in KY every summer while growing up. KY is great. After the insanity of NJ KY is a welcome relief. Don’t get me wrong in many ways NJ was cool but the cost of living (KY is awesome!! no ridiculous property taxes!!), the creeping urban culture and horrid traffic sucked. Still have a lot of great friends up their but I’m glad I’m here.

obamabiden gaffes and “false history”

I’m listening to a collection of gaffes and lies – or “false history” as the lefty media calls them. Remember the “imaginary uncle” and Auschwitz. How about “Barack America“.  Thanks to “The Great One” Mark Levin for the great entertainment. But scary if you consider that these jerks want to play dumb and dumber pres and veep. Birkenstock Odrama and Joe “Plugs” Obiden. What a pair. Joe thinks Sarah Palin is “cute” – what a statesman.

labor day

I am so excited about the Republican Convnetion…not. Now the lefty Libs, who are as secular and godless (small g) as you can get, are saying it’s “Divine” intervention that Gustav is hitting New Orleans. Why the sudden conversion. Morons.

God hates Republicans

the big night

Well tonight is Barak O’ Drama’s big night – 78,000 lemmings drawn to a spectacle of excess. Have you seen the set for this obamanation. It looks ridiculous. My carpal tunnel sucks today and I’m in a bad mood. I think that’s enough.

lazy

This is my entry for today, It’s 12:04 pm and I have been kind of lazy this morning. The wife and I are still house shopping. It has been frustrating to say the least. I can’t imagine anyone finding this particularly interesting but this blog/journal is for ME so if you don’t like this just go away.

coincidence?

30 seconds after posting my last depressing entry I read the following in an email I received:

Despair is the absolute extreme of self-love. It is reached when a man deliberately turns his back on all help from anyone else in order to taste the rotten luxury of knowing himself to be lost. –Thomas Merton

He’s right but it can be so damn hard to pull out of this depression. It is now 11:30. Let’s see how the rest of the day goes.

Even if I have to force myself to write one sentence each day, I will do so.

My right shoulder is sore. Both of my hands have tingling and numbness. It is 11:21 on 8/26 and I am feeling as defeated as I have ever felt.

and another thing…

I bought “South Saturn Delta” by Jimi Hendrix today. Check out “Midnight”. It’s so sad that he died too young. And to think he was scheduled to record with Miles Davis just a week after his death.

Are there any paraplegic guitarist/composers out there? I thought not. Anyway, today sucked. I hate being a para (or cripple as I say). I was ambulatory for a long time and then to have your legs taken away – it’s hard to describe how much it sucks. Is someone feeling sorry for himself? Yes. And your an idiot. Now shut the hell up! I always thought paralyzed people didn’t feel anything. I was wrong. I’ve been in an almost constant state of discomfort since I was afflicted in 2003 and you wonder why I’m in a bad mood or maybe you don’t care but I’m going to write anyway.

Besides you are probably a moron. Has anyone noticed how stupid this country is becoming. It’s not just me and even if it was just me I’m always right. Everybody uses double negatives. “I can’t see no reason why not!” you say. THEY CANCEL EACH OTHER OUT YOU IDIOTS. What you’re saying is that you can see a reason. I guess it’s cool to sound like an ignorant ass. And whatever happened to adverbs. “What are those? ” “They modify adjectives.” “What are those? ” “Forget it!!” We’re doomed. “Wow Bill, he played that perfect.” Its perfectLY. LY LY LY LY God You Idiots!! Has anyone out there ever attended school or were you too busy texting. LOL – God I hate that. Laugh out Loud – yeah right. You’re probably sitting there quietly crying because you have no friends. LOL

And Rap. Oh My God. I am so sick of slang or cool or phat or phazzizel or whatever is currently popular for the next 15 minutes…JUST SHUT THE F$$K UP. Rap That’s crap (the c is silent) Music for people who can’t sing. I’ve tried and tried but it just doesn’t do much for me. I like chords, harmony, melodies and other musical stuff – musicality. But you say – “It’s poetry” or “I like the beat” Why don’t you just buy a metronome and set it to your favorite “beat”. “Yeah Susie, Don’t you just love 132!!” “Oh but I disagree Gladys. I think 120 is a much better beat although it don’t make no difference as long as we can dance ourselves into imbecility” (which probably wouldn’t take too long). And no this is not a “race” thing. I love Miles, Hendrix, Albert and BB and Freddy King, Kool and The Gang, Trane, Monk, EWF, Oliver Nelson, etc. I could go on with my “race” credentials but I won’t because the point is not the color of the musician but the “quality” of the music. In fact, is this “artist” even a “musician” at all?

Am I a musical snob? Who cares. It’s my blog.

I feel much better. But I still can’t walk. Damn!

hello

Welcome to my blog. I used to be a professional guitarist. I got burned out and after 12 years of gigging, too much booze and drugs, hotel rooms, egos(including mine), etc., I quit the music biz and got a real job at a large multinational corporation. I worked my way up like a good capitalist and became a programmer(like a lot of other ex-musicians so I found out). After 13 years of corporate BS I quit in 1999 and went back to music full time. In 2003 things were going quite well. I was married to a wonderful woman, had a nice house, was building up a good guitar teaching business, composing(my first love) and occasional gigs.

In August of 2003 everything changed – big time. On August 1st I started feeling a burning around my midsection. Kind of like a sunburn but internally. Over the ensuing 8 weeks I started feeling strange sensations in my legs as well. At the end of September I was admitted to the hospital because I couldn’t walk without crutches. They took an MRI: my spinal cord was “swollen” at the T-7/T-8 vertabrae.

Long story short: here I sit in 2008 in my wheelchair paralyzed from the chest down. It took doctors a year to figure out my diagnosis. It was Transverse Myelitis complicated by spinal cord compression due to an undiagnosed hematoma (that’s a whole other story).

Due to a variety of symptoms, chronic pain and fatigue chief among them, I am now permanently disabled. Fortunately I can still use my hands so I still teach a little and do some transcribing. Also, after a four year dry spell, I’ve finally started composing again.

Finally, if there are any guitarists out there with TM and who are in a wheelchair, or anyone with TM, or any guitarists, or anyone. Feel free to communicate. That’s enough rambling for now.